[ prayer is one of those things that peter indulges in only occasionally: it's not a question of belief, or doubt, or confirmation, it's more about comfort. he doesn't expect an answer — that'd be way too self-indulgent, but that doesn't mean it's not a conversation of sorts. it's certainly more a conversation than all those times that he talks to himself.
he doesn't know if god's there, but then, isn't that the point? he doesn't know, even, if they're dead: their arrival in beacon had seemed to imply, definitively, that they were, but it wouldn't be the first time he's apparently died. (it's a thing that doesn't stick, apparently.)
the longer he's here though, the more he thinks that maybe they are. it's not a thought he vocalises because he has to believe that they're not and that there's a way back home if — well, if not for him, then for everyone else. a way to stop the world eaters. a way to sort all of this out.
he doesn't go in to the church — it's not that he feels unwelcome there, not at all, it's more that he prefers to be alone. prayer for him tends to be about— he has a complicated relationship with god; he has questions about what and why, and he knows, always, what the answer would be: that the mystery's the point, he'd be bored and grumpy if he had all of the answers, blah blah blah. but in spite of that, it doesn't stop him from asking and from complaining.
after the event with the food and the dreams, it means peter's only got more of the above. he knows he's only got himself to blame for eating the food, he should have known better. not only is half the town destroyed (again), but robin's— what? they don't know. he's still not sure if he trusts her, but in spite of himself, he cares for her and even if he didn't, he's not sure that he could just sit idly by and watch whilst she was— tortured? attacked? who knows.
but going to the lighthouse is an issue all and of itself. the last time they'd gone, the town had been attacked (again: again), they'd had even more casualties than they had this time around. does he want to risk that? he'd been furious when aziraphale and crowley had tried to commandeer the ferry and leave, risked everyone for the sake of vanity. wouldn't that be the same? he feels guilty so he wants to do something to make it better.
(hypocrisy is thy name, peter parker. ugh.)
he wants an easy answer (he knows it's not going to come); he wants to feel better about himself (he knows that's not going to happen, either); he wants to know that may and mj and everyone back home is okay (probably not going to happen, but like, marginally more likely than any of the above, right?).
he's on top of the church, then, by the bell tower. since gaining a roommate, he's had to consider the logistics of the suit and civilian clothing, so he's had to consider leaving rucksacks of clothes in obscure locations that no-one else will think to look (reasonably speaking). webbing them is — not an ideal solution, given the limited supply and the limited resources to worry about the formula and making it so that it lasts longer (and god knows the issues he'd had with otto's new and improved formula), so in this instance, the rucksack is something he'd brought with him. he doesn't imagine, really, that he's about to be doing any spider-man related activities, it's just that ... the black blends in with the darkness better, alright? ]
05/12 quietly sobs i'm sorry
he doesn't know if god's there, but then, isn't that the point? he doesn't know, even, if they're dead: their arrival in beacon had seemed to imply, definitively, that they were, but it wouldn't be the first time he's apparently died. (it's a thing that doesn't stick, apparently.)
the longer he's here though, the more he thinks that maybe they are. it's not a thought he vocalises because he has to believe that they're not and that there's a way back home if — well, if not for him, then for everyone else. a way to stop the world eaters. a way to sort all of this out.
he doesn't go in to the church — it's not that he feels unwelcome there, not at all, it's more that he prefers to be alone. prayer for him tends to be about—
he has a complicated relationship with god; he has questions about what and why, and he knows, always, what the answer would be: that the mystery's the point, he'd be bored and grumpy if he had all of the answers, blah blah blah. but in spite of that, it doesn't stop him from asking and from complaining.
after the event with the food and the dreams, it means peter's only got more of the above. he knows he's only got himself to blame for eating the food, he should have known better. not only is half the town destroyed (again), but robin's— what? they don't know. he's still not sure if he trusts her, but in spite of himself, he cares for her and even if he didn't, he's not sure that he could just sit idly by and watch whilst she was— tortured? attacked? who knows.
but going to the lighthouse is an issue all and of itself. the last time they'd gone, the town had been attacked (again: again), they'd had even more casualties than they had this time around. does he want to risk that? he'd been furious when aziraphale and crowley had tried to commandeer the ferry and leave, risked everyone for the sake of vanity. wouldn't that be the same? he feels guilty so he wants to do something to make it better.
(hypocrisy is thy name, peter parker. ugh.)
he wants an easy answer (he knows it's not going to come); he wants to feel better about himself (he knows that's not going to happen, either); he wants to know that may and mj and everyone back home is okay (probably not going to happen, but like, marginally more likely than any of the above, right?).
he's on top of the church, then, by the bell tower. since gaining a roommate, he's had to consider the logistics of the suit and civilian clothing, so he's had to consider leaving rucksacks of clothes in obscure locations that no-one else will think to look (reasonably speaking). webbing them is — not an ideal solution, given the limited supply and the limited resources to worry about the formula and making it so that it lasts longer (and god knows the issues he'd had with otto's new and improved formula), so in this instance, the rucksack is something he'd brought with him. he doesn't imagine, really, that he's about to be doing any spider-man related activities, it's just that ... the black blends in with the darkness better, alright? ]